Fear of Weight Gain

[dchoneyb916]

Fear of Weight Gain

Before we go any further, I ask that you take a few moments to close your eyes and imagine a world where 3 or 4 of the things you take for granted no longer belong to you. Examples could include your health, your family, your house or maybe your car. You probably don't walk around saying thank you every moment of the day, because you just assume you will always have them.

Over the last few weeks many of the things that I take for granted have been threatened or simply taken away. On most days I can handle the reality of it, some days I can't. My life has literally been turned upside down, and the worst part is I don't have anyone who I want to tell EVERYTHING....Dont get me wrong, I have lots of friends, but most are too biased in their opinions. Some give great advice about men, but they couldn't squeeze 2 cents out of a nickel. Others are so optimistic or pessimistic that I feel they are out of touch with reality. So I have simply suffered in silence --(and I know I could go to a counselor, but its not in the budget right now. Feel free to email me any free services that you know and trust...)

Anyway, this past weekend I danced with the straw that broke my perverbal camelback. Friday night I came home to find one of my kittens discombobulated and in a state of shock and confusion. (If you are not a pet lover--skip the next paragraph--because you probably won't understand... )

As it turns out my 9-month old baby, named Lil Bee, was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure. Basically, not such a good thing, especially when cats are so young. Of my two kittens, Lil Bee is the lively extravert that thinks she is a dog. NOT YOUR TYPICAL CAT. She sits outside of the tub when I take showers, I suppose to make sure I don't slip and fall or drown. She pounces on me when I come home. She likes to play "chase me" around the house. I love her so much. I was devastated! I cried all night this past Friday, and on and off through Monday. And not only because she was sick, but if you can understand that my budget is too tight for a counselor, you can imagine how my heart dropped when I was handed the $400 vet bill associated with taking her to the emergency room.

Needless to say, I have been really, really, really stressed out. So much so that I have not been able to maintain my normal cheerful glow. I have been angry and frustrated and its been written all over my face. AND if there is one thing that I know, it's that there are three things that ALWAYS show up at the same time in my life:

STRESS | DEPRESSION & WEIGHT GAIN

Oh the fear! Did I binge? Yes. Did I go to the store to buy a balloon for my best friend's birthday, and walk out with 5 candy bars? Yes. Did eat 5 serving of cookies in less than a five hour period? Yes. (Do the math, thats more than 5 cookies!) Did I find myself eating more than my band wanted on most days over the last few weeks? Yes. Did I gain weight? Yes.

Roughly 2 pounds. And after eating like a cow for about 2 weeks, I am just as shocked as you are. (Do not try this at home boys and girls! LOL ) I am attributing the avoidance of a 20 pound weight gain to my consistant workout plan regardless of my stress level. I am also inclined to believe that it's possible that my metabolism has changed over the course of the last year. Could I continue this behavior and expect to never gain weight? No. This past Sunday when I weighed myself and was so elated by the minimal weight gain, that I was instantly encouraged to get focused. I would stop comforting with the carbs and sleeping with chocolate in my bed. I would regain my emotional strength and l forge on to my healthy weight.

Currently 177.5 --> But not for long
Highest recorded weight --> 303
Goal 165 --> There before the summer is over!

~dchoneybee
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