2 Weigh or Not 2 Weigh?

[dchoneyb916]

2 Weigh or Not 2 Weigh?

THAT IS THE ULTIMATE QUESTION...

This morning I stood and gawked at my scale for at least 5 minutes. I shouted obscenities at it, as if it were the true cause of my distress. I thought about how blissful my state of ignorance felt. As long as I didn't step on that scale, I didn't have to know.

But the problem is--I know. I can feel it.

I have gained weight and denial isn't going to change the situation. My clothes feel different, and because I am acutely aware of each and every ounce that finds its way back to my body, I don't need the scale to confirm it.

The weight feels heavy and disgusting. It feels like chocolate cake resting around my swollen ankles and globs of chunky peanut butter smeared just south of my back. It all feels grotesque and monstrous. Is this not the same weight I have lost already? I don't want it back. So, I ask myself, why am I doing this to myself? Why am I allowing stress to overcome my will and determination? Where is the Queen Bee that is in control of what she puts in her mouth and her physical activity?

You might be asking yourself, how much weight is it?.....FOUR POUNDS!!! It's four freaking pounds, and I am disgusted with it! Because at first, it was two pounds. Now it's four pounds. If I don't stop, soon it will be twenty. Then fifty. This might sound fanatical and far-fetched, but it has happened before. I have weighed 300 pounds, and it could happen again.

So what do I need to do to get back on track? Honestly, I am not sure right now. I could make a bunch of promises and affirmations that sound great and hopeful, but in the moment when I am about to put something in my mouth that represents comfort--I will forget all about the deep breathing and these affirmation.

Right now, all I can do is hold on and weather the storm. I am going through something and it hurts. It hurts really bad. Some days are better than others, but most don't feel good.

In the end, (for me) it's good to know my weight. I don't weigh myself every day, but I want to know whats going on when I feel a change in my clothes. AND I know that I have been Band Binging--eating a lot of band-friendly food in large quanitites. A lot of food and less activity equals weight gain. (This one equation is enough to make you hate math!)

MY CONCLUSION: I would rather know about the weight now, while its still a mole hill. What do they say? Knowing IS half the battle....

Its Thursday. Let's keep our fingers crossed and hope for an amazing weekend that lifts my spirits and keeps me from lifting my fork so many times.

Love you all soooo much!
~bee.

[Unqiue623]

Hey Bee

It's Angie

Girl keep your head up high! Listening to you make me Know I can be as strong as you are. You will never go to the old you,WHY because your on the right tack you noticed that you gained the weight so now take a breathe and just move forward. You will get through this lil strom that's passing by! It's a very SUNNY day and the beauiful you will now come back to life....... Bee be that bright sunny bee that you are and say to yourself Bee's keep it moving! so do that we all have bad days and me knowing that it's good that you talked about it! Don't punish yourself for lil things that happen in life and 4 pounds may seem like alot but say no more and back off alittle when the sweets say hi say I'll see ya later.

Your doing a wonderful job and stress can be a problem but look how far you came girl. Do it! I here for the support because i know i'll need it!

[dchoneyb916]

I appreciate your love girl! Really--I was venting. Even with the band, you have good days and bad days--whether its regarding food, emotions, etc, etc, etc. But today is a fabulous day! I have a new dress, I've gotten 100 compliments, and I feel great.

...and I am sure the weight gain was caused by water retention. Female issues....

Anyway, you came in the office today and I didn't have a chance to see you. Next time, find me and give me a hug.

You are awesome!

~bee.