WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?

[dchoneyb916]

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?

Last night I got together with an old friend and a couple of her colleagues. It was a spare of the moment decision that I made after spending a little over 45 minutes driving home in traffic. We were 30 minutes into our conversation and I was 2 blocks from home when she casually mentioned that she was in town. So without hesitation, I disregarded the couch and television remote that had been calling my name all day, and headed back to downtown. It was one of the best decisions I had made all week.

I had a wonderful time. We were four young, beautiful, dynamic women exploring the issues of the world. Each of us had a unique flavor and view point that varied in intensity, diversity and complexity. We chatted and debunked the matters of our own urban backyards to the tropical outskirts of Western Africa. One moment we were stirring with laughter and other moments we shook our heads reminiscencing on lost relationships and some of the imminent heartbreaks in our lives. It was rich and poetic and yet comical all at the same time.

My friend, who will remain nameless to protect her identity, is the inspiration for this blog. She got me to thinking, WHAT ARE WE AFRAID OF? Along with the concerns that she had about her job and its perpetual office politics, we discussed the political absence of a man in her life. There were no candidates…not even a name she could write-in on the ballot. Her primaries were null and void of fire. She was still bitter about the last president who had won her vote. He had seriously messed up her state of affairs—and while she had tried to impeach him—he had vetoed her efforts and still had a seat in her heart.

Her most recent relationship ended in 2006. I asked her, “what’s up with John, Reggie, Charles and Richard?” She looked at me in bewilderment. “Who are you talking about?” she asked. “The guys you should have dated in the last 2 YEARS!” I responded. We all cracked up, but then I was like, “no seriously!” I couldn’t understand why she had gone so long without opening herself to something new and exciting. Three pairs of eyes pierced the wheels cranking in her head as she mulled over the question. We wanted to know what was she afraid of? Why hadn’t she allowed something fresh and exciting into her life? On the defensive, she replied that she was open, but new candidates simply hadn’t showed up for the debate.

I argued that she wasn’t ready and that she was subconsciously turning away men. They are out there. She is a very attractive woman on the inside and outside. A virtual man magnet—if she chose to be one. I explained that she was still bitter about her old relationship and closed to being vulnerable to a new love interest. I rationalized that she couldn’t trick the universe. It knew what she wanted and was delivering it to her on a daily basis. Nothing.

In my life, I held onto my weight for a long time because it was my protection. Literally. Fat created a padding that pain often bounced off of. Food was a referee between me and my feelings. My size, as large as I was, made me invisible. And as my weight climbed up to 300 pounds, I needed that. I didn’t want people to see me, because I would have to look them in the eye—and that was scary. The list of things that scared me was long and unyielding. It wasn’t until I was brave enough to overcome my fears that I lost the weight.

The universe will send you exactly what you are ready for. Believe it. Now that I have lost 115 pounds, I have upset a lot of people. I am the “skinny girl” and several of my friends and family members don’t like it. They won’t say it directly, but their comments and actions speak to it. Part of it is jealously. Most of it is because they want change in their lives and my presence expresses that its possible. Now they need to be accountable for their actions. Whatever cards they were dealt, they can change them in—and that scares them.

I was supposed to be the fat girl who shrank into the background for the rest of my life. Who else was going to hold the purses when my friends went out on the dance floor? So now that I am that incredibly vibrant woman who spends the entire night on the dance floor, attracting suitors with the sway of my hips, I have to understand that people will “hate on me.”

My advice: figure out what you are afraid of. Attention? Recognition? Being accountable?

Continue to lie to yourself—but know that the truth will manifest in your life, each and every time. Whatever your core beliefs consist of, I hope the root of it contains more than what you see and feel in the physical world. Grab hold of what’s in your spirit and stop being afraid.

This is the only way change will come.